Dealing with the Ordinary (Thoughts at the Close of 2022)

It seems as if faster than usual, 2022 has come to a close. It seems as though it were only yesterday that I just started Fujifilm’s ‘10 Years of X Mount’ celebration and began participating in the themes they would set each month. From working my normal every day job to working on set for some music videos, as well as traveling and getting some jobs here and there for photography, this year flew by faster than anticipated. While it was amazing overall, there’s been this thought lingering with me for a bit and I was not sure how to fully define it until recently. Since summer of 2021, I hopped on board this wild rollercoaster that brought me into the film industry, observing how movies, short films, and music videos are put together and documented my experiences as a Stills Photographer. While doing that I’ve been experiencing traveling more in this year and a half than I have in my whole life, and even getting to win the brand new Fujifilm X-H2s from Fujifilm. There has been so much good, so many truly wonderful things that have been happening, and yet - something has felt off.

While my girlfriend works tirelessly on her feature film, nearing the end of post production, she brought this feeling to my attention and found myself relating to it. Dealing with the ordinary. Now, I feel like for someone who may not fully relate nor understand - it might sound or come off pretentious. I think it came down to constantly chasing that next thrill, that next exciting adventure, or checking out that new piece of gear, next big project - and not understanding what to do when things got slow. You get so used to the train speeding along the tracks, that when it comes to several stops at train stations, you begin to get bored. “What’s next?” you think, over and over again. For me, I am not handling it well.

I think after the wild ride that was 2021, I believed that met life would turn into this crazy rollercoaster of adventure and working on film sets. The thing about rollercoasters though, is that sometimes it takes awhile before the next drop. Instead of relaxing and being patience for the fun and craziness, I’m trying to find any way that I can keep moving, keep searching for that next big thing, rather than spending time with myself and relaxing. Hell, I feel like I’ve been so distant from most people around me while I’ve been in this state that I forgot what it was like to just have normal conversations about random things that aren’t art related. This might sound super strange, if you cannot relate to it, but in another way of taking a step back also includes not being on social media nearly as much. I’ve mentioned this before, but I truly believe that social media kills my interest for photography and creativity. It’s distracting, searching for those slight highs when a post gets a ton of likes or views - it’s distracting fro what really matters. What sucks is that in 2022 it feels like you have to keep up some type of social media presence to stay relevant. Yet, instead of scrolling and seeing what the rest of the world is up to, enjoying a nice walk or just sitting with yourself is definitely more beneficial. Something I have to keep reminding myself, rather than trying to distract myself from day to day tasks that bore my mind.

Maybe that’s what we all need though, right? A little more boring and less excitement for a bit. That way it makes those truly exciting times worth it. Since I won the Fujifilm X-H2S, I’ve been wondering when I’m gonna get that next piece of gear, that next lens, or whatever I’m looking for. When I should be thinking, “Damn, I won this truly amazing camera. I’m good for a bit.” My mind has to jump to what’s next rather than take a moment - or a while - to settle with where I’m at. I don’t think I’m alone in this, either. Our brains are wired to keep looking for that dopamine rush that will make us happy, so we naturally want to feel that way all the time.

Maybe this sounds like constant rambling, but these are just thoughts circling in my head. Part of me feels like I have to keep living that busy life and the other part would love to slow down. It’s to the point that it feels unbalanced and I hope to course correct soon, because it is all about balance and time management. Now, this is something that I’m still learning how to do. Between the normal nine to five job, spending time with my girlfriend, creative work, friends (I’m sorry I haven’t been there), family (same to you as well), fun things (which I should do more often), and living in the moment - it’s something that I constantly work on and figure out how to manage. Lately some things have taken the back seat on my priority list, as I develop more of my relationship and work on creative things while making money to afford rent. It’s no easy task - and I’m not sure how others do it.

I see the benefit of slowing down, taking things day by day and living in the ordinary. It’s a way to hit the reset button and focus on the next thing with a clear mind. At the end of last month I was rushing to get a project proposal done and I still feel like I’m not fully prepared for it, but in this month of just doing the normal tasks and not focusing on the big eventful things, I feel a bit more confident about tackling these upcoming projects. Just like anything else, it’s important to build the habit of taking a break every now and a again to stop and breath for a second.

Dealing with the ordinary has been strange, but it makes you appreciate the larger things in life, for if everything was always grand and wonderful, then it wouldn’t mean as much, right? You balance out the spectacle with the average. Not that I would say my life has been constant spectacle, but it has been fast paced, always looking to that next big thing rather than stopping, looking around and being grateful for the random laundry day or grocery shopping, even sitting and watching a show or reading a book to wind down from the work day. It’s okay to do those things - life isn’t a race like it seems to be to many of us - everyone walks life at their own pace. It just took me a long time to realize that and begin to accept it.

I hope everyone has been having wonderful holidays, the new year is upon us once again - remember to take it slow some times. Take a look around, go for a walk, open and good book a chill for a bit. Life moves fast enough already, no sense in aiding it by giving ourselves all these demanding tasks. Be safe during the new year, and I’ll be back in the new year with some new blogs, and possibly some updates with what I’ve been working on. Take care, enjoy the holidays!